HOW TO STOP BEING JEALOUS

1: Identify the situation that's triggering your feelings of jealousy. You may feel jealous when:

• The guy or girl you like is hanging out with other people, leaving you feeling neglected.
• Your best friend seems to prefer spending time with other people.
• One of your parents starts spending time with a new partner.
• One of your kids seems to prefer being with the other parent instead of with you.
• Someone else gets the recognition that you deserve at work or gets credit for something that you did in a school club.

2: Build your self-confidence. Jealousy is usually a by-product of insecurity and low self-worth. You may have fears of being abandoned or rejected by someone close to you. Or you could be pouring your whole identity into just 1 thing (work or school) so that when that thing doesn't go your way, it really shakes your confidence.

• The best way to build your self-esteem is to act the way that a confident person would act. Make decisions as though you have all of the confidence in the world. Eventually, your feelings will catch up with your actions.
• When confident people get abandoned or ridiculed, it doesn't break them. They know that people are short-sighted sometimes, and they don't blame themselves.

3: Avoid comparing yourself to other people. Make friends with someone who you think has it all, and you'll discover that even this person has his or her own hidden struggles.

• Even famous and beautiful celebrities have struggles that you can't see. They may get passed over for movie roles that they want, they may lose a big game or they may struggle with drugs and alcohol. Just because someone looks great on the outside doesn't mean that things are going great on the inside.

4:  Have reasonable expectations about how much time someone can devote to you. If your child or partner isn't spending any time with you, then you may have valid concerns. But if someone spends a good deal of time with you, and you never feel like it's enough, then you're demanding too much.

• Look at yourself. What's making you so needy that you can't be happy unless this other person is around?
• Branch out and spend more time with other people, or find an activity that makes you happy. Sometimes, all you need to do is to take better care of yourself instead of focusing all of your energy on someone else.
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5:  Do the opposite of what a jealous person would do. When you feel jealousy taking over, don't react in a destructive way by making accusations, giving someone the silent treatment or dropping little sarcastic hints. Instead, try to do what a trusting person would do in your place.

• When someone else gets the job that you want, be nice instead of being sneaky or trying to undermine the other person. Instead, congratulate the person and offer to help them be successful.

6: Recognize the paranoia that is a part of jealousy. Jealousy causes you to react to a fantasy scenario that's all in your mind. In reality, the bad things that you're imagining may never happen at all. And if they do, you're strong enough to get through them. You have other people that you can count on in your life, and you'll move on to become a better person.

• Your boyfriend or girlfriend may call an ex to express condolences something awful happens, like the person's mother dies. Don't go crazy about it. First of all, the person that you love isn't necessarily hung up on an ex. Second of all, your boyfriend or girlfriend is being nice and considerate, and that's 1 of the reasons that you love him or her so much.

7:  Be trusting. This is a lot easier said than done. If you get jealous easily, you've probably had your trust broken in the past. You have to stop thinking about the past and put yourself in the present. Look at the person who's making you jealous. Has this person ever given you a reason not to trust him/her?

• If the person has never disappointed you, then you need to assume the best about the person, not the worst. A good friend will try to support your lack of trust, but only for so long. You're probably transferring your own fears about someone else onto a perfectly good person. And trust is a risk. You have to accept the risk of being wrong to get the benefits that come with trust when you're right.

8:  Develop an optimistic view of people. Ultimately, jealousy is a fear-based behavior. You're spending a lot of time worrying about something bad that hasn't happened yet, and might not happen at all. Unfortunately, you're creating a situation where bad things could happen because of all of your negative feelings. Ironic, isn't it? It's called a "self-fulfilling prophecy." If you believe in someone, believe in them completely. Good people deserve the benefit of the doubt.