CHEKA KIDOGO!

ROBERT MUGABES'S LETTER TO WHITE MEN

Dear white men, U asked us to wear coats under hot sun,
we did;
~
U said we should speak your language, we have obediently
ignored ours.
~
U asked us to always tie a rope around our necks like goats,
we have obeyed without questioning.
~
U asked our ladies to wear dead people's hair instead of the
natural hair God gave to them, they have obeyed.

STATUS ZENU ZA WHATSAPP BADILISHENI SASA

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Kuna rafiki zangu wa WhatsApp wwananichekesha sana na status zao;.

1. Mtu ameandika “Sleeping” , sasa leo siku ya tano, si kishakufa huyu?
2. Mwingine kaandika “Driving” toka mwaka jana Agosti, naona atakuwa anakaribia Afghanistan saa hizi
3. Haya jamaa najua kalazwa anaumwa lakini kaandika “Happy” we vipi ndugu yangu?
4. Huyu mdada kaandika “Available”. Sijui anajua maana yake? Tukikuibukia utaanza mitusi
5. Mbosi huyu hajabadilisha status mwaka wa pili sasa, “Hey there! I’m using

KALI YA SIKU

NIMECHEKAJE SASA !

KALI YA SIKU!

KALI YA LEO

KALI YA LEO: CHEKA UTOE STRESS ZA MAISHA!

Jamaa mmoja alikwenda kutafuta kazi ya ulinzi.Yafuatayo ndiyo mahojiano kati yake na mwajiri:

Employer: Umesoma mpaka wapi? 

Watchman: Mpaka Form 4 

Employer: Unajua kiingereza?

Watchman: kwani hao wezi wanakuja ni wazungu?

CHEKA NA CHAKUBANGA!

KALI YA SIKU

KALI YA LEO!

KALI YA LEO!

CHEKA UNENEPE!

CHEKA UNENEPE!

KICHEKESHO CHA LEO!

Mlevi kakutwa akikojoa eneo la shule,mwalimu mkuu akamuuliza ''hilo bango hapo limeandikwaje?

 Mlevi akajibu''USIKOJOE HAPA''

Mwl. ''sasa na wewe unachofanya nini?''

Mlevi kwa upole akajibu ''HAKI YA MUNGU NILIJUA NDIO JINA LA SHULE''

HII KALI NAYO!

SOMA UJUMBE KUTOKA KWA MASANJA MKANDAMIZAJI

Hivi ndivyo jinsi msichana anayejiheshimu na kujielewa anavyotuma SMS kwa mpenzi wake:

"Hi honey, I am just out of work heading for lunch now. I wish I could see you today. Take care, good day and love you. Don't forget to pray."

Sasa huyu ni yule waruwaru asiyejitambua na anakuibia tu: 

"Mamboz switsi! I mixx u xo mch hadi nawish kulia!Lolestest! Pls kam n buy me n ma galfwends pixzza & chics chips jioni. I mix u xanar xanar end plz kamer una credo nirushie buku 5.Luv u hun... I luv xo xo muxx!! XOXO. XXX. LOL! My YMCMB"

source masanja mkandamizaji Fb page!

WAJASIRIAMALI WANAPOAMUA KUJINADI!

NIMEIPENDA HII:AINA ZA VITAMBI TANZANIA

1. Kitambi mvurugo: Hiki kitambi kimekaa kama O. Kinapatikana kwa kula sana kitimoto.

2. Kitambi mchuchumio: Hiki kitambi kimekaa kama herufi D. Kinatokana na kula sana michemsho na bia za ofa.

3. Kitambi mbonyeo: Akivua shati kitambi hiki hakionekani. Hiki wanacho wala rushwa. Ila akisimamishwa kazi kinaisha.

4. Kitambi mtepeto: Ni kitambi cha wastani ambacho ukivaa nguo pana hakionekani. Kinasababishwa na kula mno viporo.

5. Kitambi mfumanio: Hiki mtu anakuwa hana pesa ila anakuwa na kitambi. Kitambi hiki kinasababishwa na minyoo na utapiamlo wa ukubwani.

6. Kitambi mtunguo: Hiki wanacho sana akina dada. Kina umbo la yai. Hiki kwa diet hakitoki labda kwa maombi tu.

7. Kitambi mchongoko: Kimekaa kama namba 4. 
Kinasababishwa na viroba,banana na jamii yake.

VUNJA MBAVU

CHANZO: JOHN KITIME